November 22, 2011
It's almost three in the morning and I just all but downed a 16.9 OZ bottle of water. For the last few hours I've been "cleaning" my room while watching youtube videos. I can honestly say that although I have an early work morning today, nothing else trumps the pain I currently feel.
You see, I went for a run quite early this morning and found some unexplainable desire to push myself to the proverbial limit. I suppose you can infer that it wasn't the best of ideas. "The road to hell...," and whatnot right? Cut to an hour or so later once I'm in my room and getting prepared to shower, I find my toe hurts (pinkie to be specific). It is not an enjoyable experience and upon further inspection I find that it is because I split the skin in between my foot and [pinkie] toe. It's like having a papercut in between your fingers.
IT. SUCKS. SO. BAD.
Though who am I to look at this as what it is and be content? I've begun another phase of deconstruction. I need to take baby steps and if nothing else, this morning was the literally proof of that. Things have gotten out of hand; I have gotten out of control and that needs to be addressed. Honestly the biggest question on my mind at this point is simply, what is the statute of limitation for believing things'll get better? When is it a good time to agree that they won't and to cut one's losses? Five years enough? How about ten? Fifteen then?
My toe's really gonna bug me for the rest of the week. I just know it.
Hearing: Paper Cuts by Runner Runner