How Sad Must My Life Be That It's Funny To Me That I May Be Trying To Marry My Cousin
December 27th, 2017
Been for sure a long while since I've done one of these. Hell, been a long while since I've posted more than once a week. It's a lot worse on this end considering Wednesday content tends to be the be the least demanding. It's literally just me spewing my thoughts and where I'm at. Guess I'm still reeling from the fact that a large part of me still doesn't want to write ever again. A large part of me feels abandoned. A large part of me has ever reason to just let this place die. Too bad that part isn't at the wheel right now huh? Or good thing? Never mind.
I've been gone a while. Much longer than the posting would have you believe. Still technically not here but these are more for me than an audience so what does it matter the level of esoteric right? Prostitutes comes to mind. I have been writing a little here or there but none of it feels quite complete. Hell, I even wrote a rap song. It's ridiculous and I love it for that very reason. Will have to post it someday. Maybe it'll be a throwback. I guess I'm glossing over the fact that I've found some inspiration again. Kind of brings us back to the title of this little piece. My "cousin." That's the joke. I hope. I truly, truly do.
This person helped me break a wall that I've rested my head against for so long that I honestly wasn't sure I'd ever get past. Now what though. Can I just jump back into all the projects I've been avoiding all this time? Seems like the only thing I can do that'd make any kind of sense. Really excited about the dude who wakes up with jerk off powers idea. Came up with that like three years ago now, if not four? Oh, yeah, that's another thing. I'm writing scripts now? Like actual scripts. I want to hold on to this person. We've gotten so close and now I fear being broken again. Broken to the point where I lose my words again. Don't know if I'd ever be able to come back after a second break like that. And wow, I'm just so filled with regret. People I feel deserve apologies for having to deal with me and my mania. I'm just so sorry but I don't know that I'll ever have the right to just jump back into their lives to say so. You see, as much as I stress about it, I also don't want to give them the wrong impression. I can't be the person I used to be. Not anymore. Not if I ever hope to reach a future I'm alive in.
So much work to do. Need to get the cobwebs out and dust off this old brain of mine. The grind never leaves but it sure as hell gets hard to see when one's eyes are blacked by prolonged nonuse. Look at me talking about a future again. You'd think I were a real person. That might be kind of nice. Better than the fire and brimstone I keep gleaming when I normally look ahead.
I can't promise there'll be regular content here. I can't even promise I'll do better. Just, welcome and thanks for joining the ride. I guess that'll be it for now.
I already know. I just also know no matter what move I make next, the outcome won't change. It's not over, but for now, I just have to let it take me. It's too early to make a last stand.
And so on this path I continue to walk.