February 18th, 2010
One charming evening a couple days ago I found myself on a particular website. I'm not ashamed to admit the site in question was one that proliferates pornographic material but what I found there did quite the number on my perceptions of the world itself.
Human beings are capable us supreme gestures of good and evil. It's a blanket statement that tends to become part of one's core understanding early on. (If you pay enough attention to history in grade school anyway) That being said, such was never really a subject of debate. I've seen images of war-torn countries, effects of man made toxins and plagues, murder and acts of depravity. It's, in a way, old hat. Perhaps due to desensitization or what have you, I've just come to accept such moral and ethical shortcomings as commonplace. That brings me to the "porno" that made me emotionally sick.
The video starred an erotic entertainer oh far less than a moderate number of films. It started off with somewhat of a cold open; the cameraman asking her some question about herself. It all seemed very forgettable type things until the woman in question disclosed an odd bit of information to her "producer" (we'll say). She told him about how at the age of NINE she was raped/sodomized by her step father. How it occurred for a number of years and how she developed a habit of calling the men she slept with "daddy". Needless to say, I felt sick. I felt discussed and ashamed. Especially with how during the tale, the cameraman directed her to assume provocative positions informer her that she would now be engaged in a threesome with "two daddies". My stomach churned to the unbelievable circumstances I was witness to. Were it all an act I could understand but, the inflection on this erotica star appeared quite sincere. So, how? How could this filming continue after that? I couldn't understand how in such a day and age someone could feel so little.
Watching that film was like peering into the darkness itself. Like an abyss but instead of staring back I could only perceive the cold void trying to swallow me whole. I stopped seeing that woman as an object of gratification and hoped dearly that they would either be some way for me to help her or that some one could help her. She was just a child, and to be taken advantage of in that way by someone who's supposed to be protecting you...I'm filled with such rage at the thought.
Such a world we live in, with such people in it, indeed.