Throwback Thursday #7: Naivete

Source via Xanga:  Posted 08/28/2003, 11:40 PM

Now that I think back to those days...specifically that time long ago, I can't even remember why any of it had taken place. Hmm I must have been only 16 back then...laying there half asleep, half awake...just barely holding on to the faint voice of the woman I would soon get to know very well. It occurs to me just how long I was laying there...felt like hours but probably only a matter of minutes. Hmm I was just laying there...sorta assumed at first, maybe even alittle scared actually. Hmph though after what seemed half a lifetime I just started to drift off...to not even care about the situation I had found myself in. 'Heh heh heh,' I remember laughing to myself...maybe even at myself partly. The pain was more mental than physical. It was funny how a broken leg, three cracked ribs, torn ligaments in both arms, as well as a mild concussion and all at the time I couldn't help but think about the possibility of someone finding me and taking avantage of me. It was indeed hilarious to think through all that, all those painful experiences, that at this time, as I lay there holding on to that quiet voice, the only thing that could come to mind was how I would explain this all to my mother. I shouldn't have been where I was to begin with...to think it all happened just cause I wanted to play hero. Taught me a lot, that experience did, as everything began to flash before me...the bitter cold feeling that rattled my body. Yeah, it all comes back now...not so much how it really happened, just why it did, as well as the reason for my paralysis. Hmm, I wondered what she was thinking...now that I really think about it, I couldn't even remember her face anymore. Ha! That's great! I bet my kids would love this story...they'd probably see their good ole dad as a bit of a player or pimp or something. 20 years after that experience, only 18 years since I had been engaged to that woman...the one whose voice brought me back to 'life,' so to speak. Yeah, we, engaged...funny how it turned out that her being the one that did what she did and me being the moron I was. Yeah we dated two years, were engaged, and two more years later it just fell apart I guess. Eh, it all brings me back. Yeah I remember walking by when I heard the scream...heh, I was naive then, maybe too naive, heh. Rushing in only got me to the semi-comatose state that was though, also the woman would became my first fiance. I remember all to well why death was upon me that day...why her voice was all I could hold onto to stay alive, why everything was so blurry as my head was spinning. Hmm, it probably gave me a little brain damage as now thinking back this is the only time it really hit me what had happened...about the time I thumb-wrestled death...and won! I was 16 years old, naive, and still thought I wanted to be a hero. Even now when I really am, I take that experience in stife. I rushed in when I heard a scream just to find myself on the floor. She screamed...till this day I don't know why but she did and because of that scream I had rushed in just so I could find myself on the floor, losing consciousness. She kicked me balls with all her might! ...shocked and taken off guard cause I was a guy rushing towards her while she was in the ladies' room.

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Minor edits made 09 FEB 12

Throwback Thursday #6: Girls

Source via Xanga:  Posted 11/29/2003 11:08 AM

Update ALERT!!!

I met a girl who was beautiful...simply amazing...she was funny and just plain fun to be around I had harbored great feelings for her and her me but before the tale could end I began to see an interesting side of her that maybe I would've been happy not to...We formed a relationship like no other I had ever had but then that was a long long time ago...over time she grew to hate me and now my existence forsaken...

I met a girl who was brillant...maybe the smartest girl I had met in a long time...she was great to look at heh...but seriously she was really good looking and I thought she could actually follow my train of thought...what a great friend to have I thought and thus set out to spawn a friendship of such...after time though I began to realize it had been luck and that a friendship may not be possible...now I wonder just what's going to happen next as the year comes closer and closer to an end...

I met a girl who was very unlike any other girl I had known...she was a blast from the past...already knowing of her existence prior to my contact with her it made me wonder why it had been different now than it was before ...I was better back then...she was really cool and exciting maybe because she brought something that no one else had really brought to my life...after time though I found she had an attraction to older guys...she wasn't the first to have ever told me that...I began to wonder if R. Kelly really had something there...

I met a girl who was very different...she was somewhat of an eccentric I guess but in all the most entertaining of ways...after time however I began to realize that all the excitement, inuendo, and all that fun of taboo was all there was...yeah she just wasn't one for dealing with the joys of sorrow...

I met a girl who actually was connected to two other girls...all three of them had very appealing characteristics and grand friendships were fostered over time although as more time progressed I began to loose contact with one...and with the other two I've just been loosing credibility...I guess it's true the saying about some people just being better in doses...

I met a girl who was a real "badass" she was strong, smart, and seductive like no other...she didn't have too much of a problem being herself and literally was everything she said she was...never concerned about what others thought of her...she was herself in all that she was...We were once bitter enemies...now we're...not sure but we chill sometimes...I'd call her a friend...

I met a girl who actually met me and introduced me to herself...she's pretty straightforward and well a really really intersting friend...

I met a girl who was pretty short...she was maybe the most layed back girl I had ever known...but as we became friends and I got to know her I began to see that there was alot more to her than I had previously thought...I had thought she was carefree but now that really know her she is working harder than anyone I know even though she is alittle lost...I'll continue to stand by her if she'll ever need me because she's just too good a person to have face this world of pain alone...I'll do what I can, it's what friends are for...

I met a girl who had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen...too bad she thinks I'm nuts! Heh...

I met a girl who well not really sure...she's good looking, smart, about to go off to college...hey she started talking to me! Heh don't know really what to say...just that I don't mind getting to know her better...

I met a girl who seems to have a secret friendship with me...not sure why but it's one of a kind...

I met a girl who is religious and somewhat alotta horny...we talk every now and then pretending nothing had happened...who knows maybe it was a dream...

I met a girl who shared with me her world...to this day we keep contact but well I can't say too much about her...she's just so unique and amazing that nothing I could say would really be accurate enough...

I met a girl who liked me...oh man too bad I flinched...

I met a girl who...I told I loved and to this day I still do...I had told it to her and she had said it back...I can't say too much about her mainly because if I were to get started it might take hours to finish...she is like a perfect girl...her personality, her strengths , even her weaknesses...I've only met one girl like her and that is her...unfortunately I haven't met another girl like her since...it's true I love her and that she's probably the only girl I can say I love with all intents and purposes but we're just friends and I'm glad...

Aright sorry everyone that my first post in a very long time had to be so personal but I dunno...I just wrote about some women...heh hopefully they never read it and figure out that I'm writing about them...ah well yeah I really do hope everyone..every friend I've made is doing well and I must say I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get around on Xanga as often as before...I've just been so swamped...sorry...well I do have some vaca coming up so hopefull by then I'll be able organize things and get back on track to contact with everyone I've had the pleasure of meeting during my time here...yup well I guess that's it for this update...as always...peace out

Better

So I'm kind of a geek I guess you could say? I like comic books and etc. And just recently I realized just how ludicrous some things really are. This ''rant'' will be short though since really, it's more laughable than anything else.

ANYway, so if you aren't aware, there are FOUR earth-born Green Lanterns. In canon, in the whole Green Lantern mythos, there are four (technically five but for the sake of argument we're taking members of the Green Lantern Corps as opposed to those who've developed their powers via magic, etc. although in earnest that particular 'Lantern' in question fits the point I'm about to make as well *cough cough Alan Scott cough cough* ...moving on) Green Lanterns. Big deal right? Earthlings kick butt. It's nice to know that even though in the history Earth is way behind the curve, our people can hold their own with the rest of them. Here's where it gets to me though. The rings choose their 'masters,' if you will. Now on the entire planet of billions of people all four just so happen to be from the same continent?

Hal Jordan, John Stewart, Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner. All Green Lanterns, all American. It's kinda funny. It's like saying that the best the world has to offer is American. Now, they are American heroes so obviously that's all it is. I sincerely doubt that they were made that way on purpose but, it's kinda laughable, no?

Well just thought I'd share that little thought that was floating around my head. Thanks for the pageview.

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Hearing:  Impossible by Anberlin

Been Slacking

So I was having a nice chat with someone and it hit me that a lot of newer black super heroes (male) have either been in the armed forces or been a cop. It was such an odd realization. To be honest I could probably scour the depths of that thought and pull forth all kinds of subtext but that'd be making it into more than it is to me. More than just a simple observation. So with that I leave off with a list of some of the heroes in question.

Jon Stewart (Green Lantern/DC)

James "Rhodey" Rhodes (War Machine/Marvel)

Michael Lane (Azrael/DC)

Mark Richards (Tattooed Man/DC)

Squirrel Triumvirate

There's something disconcerting about the life I've chosen to live. I've stated on numerous occasion that I am a liar and a fake but still find myself faced with irritation when people are faced with such deceit firsthand.  It's a bit laughable the lengths I go to destroy relationships though. If anything, it more than likely stems from the overwhelming desire to be free.

Confinement. Hatred. Two words that are synonymous currently. Whenever possible, I avoid walking on sidewalks. There's nothing more appreciativethan the space granted by the middle of the road. That's just how it started  however. Eventually of course my endeavors for the elusive dared develop into something much more, dare I say, sinister?

I've long resigned my communicative fate as being one of a Skype nature. It's cheaper to maintain and there's something alluring about knowing at any moment I can just pick up and disappear with no one essentially the wiser. No place to call home sure, but then again, no reason for such a matter at this stage in the game anyway. People will believe anything they want to believe and who am I not to facilitate such perceptions even if they already are true to begin with?

However, I don't think I'll ever be far enough away to truly be free.